As a parent of two children with ADHD and an educator with years of experience working with children with ADHD, I am learning and gaining new understandings about what it means to have ADHD every day. As an educator, I am typically patient and understanding and I am able to empathize and adapt to the needs and challenges of students and offer support to parents. As a parent I have all of the same insights and knowledge around ADHD within me, however it is much harder. I am less patient, less understanding and my emotions tend to take over.

I think part of this difference is due to the realization that my view of what I thought parenting would be is different from my reality.  I also know there is a genetic link with mental illness, so my children’s ADHD and Anxiety likely came from me. And a large part of it comes from my fear of failure as a parent, and in those challenging moments, my own emotions take over making it much more difficult for me to be there for my kids when they need me most.

This article, “17 Things your ADHD Child Would Tell You if He Could” that Sarah Forbes wrote on her blog,  Grace Under Pressure, outlines some things a child with ADHD would want others to know.

“17 Things Your ADHD Child Would Tell You if He Could:

1) I’m trying way harder than you’ll ever know even though it doesn’t seem like it to you. I really, truly am.

2) Criticizing me or getting angry at me that my brain doesn’t work better doesn’t help me. It makes me hate myself even more.

3) I’m painfully aware of all the areas that I’m not measuring up. Instead of making a big deal about my shortcomings, try to find ways to help me.

Read the rest of the post here:

https://www.graceunderpressure.blog/2017/03/25/17-things-adhd-child/

As an adult with ADHD and Anxiety, I think it is spot on. The insight and revelations within the list are great reminders not only as a parent and educator, but also to reflect on myself as I think of the struggles I go through each day. I plan to share this list with my family and my colleagues at school in hopes to provide insights that might be helpful in working with and understanding our children.

We need to remember that children do the well if they can and typically do not have ill intent behind the choices they make.  If we remember that, it will help us accept the child before us so we can be the constant, safe person he can rely on, even when we ourselves need to self regulate to do so.  I know that I also need to forgive myself when I falter, keeping in mind that I too do well when I can.