The meltdown. I’m sure everyone has been there. I went through a bad one the other day and it was a very challenging situation for my daughter, son and I.

It was Friday night after work and I had to go to the store because we had run out of JP’s medication (I knew the weekend before and tried to get a new prescription but Biphentin is monitored and you can only get more pills a few days before so they wouldn’t allow it).  I also had to get a birthday gift for my niece, whose party was the next day.

By the time I got home from work I had a choice to make-get the kids first and take them to the store with me or go to the store first and pick up the kids after. The easiest option would be to go to the store myself first but it was getting late (5:30 already) and I knew my daughter would really want to choose the birthday gift we needed to get, so I decided to get the kids first.
After pick up I prepped the kids. I was very clear about what we needed at the store and emphasized that we weren’t buying anything else. I told them we would get Tim Hortons for dinner after because we were already late. My daughter was evicted about getting the gift and I told her she had to make a fast choice, which isn’t always easy for her! I got JP to repeat the expectations before we went into the store and he promised he knew what to do. I did as much ‘prep’ as I could to have a quick and successful trip to the store. The goal- get in and out in 20 minutes so we were home by 6:30 with dinner.

The pharmacy pick up went well, El quickly picked out the gift and we were on our way to the checkout in record time when suddenly, JP spotted a tin of Pokemon! Apparently this was the tin he ‘wanted for years and years’ (he’s been into Pokemon for only  a few months) and this tin was full of ‘Megas and …’ a bunch of other stuff I have no idea about. He was not letting go of this tin. I tried every strategy I had. I even took a picture of the tin and said I would put it on his birthday list (which is only 3 weeks away).  Nothing worked.

JP ran away with the tin and said if I didn’t buy it he would steal it. He wasn’t leaving without it. Eventually, after standing at the exit silently staring him down he came toward me with a smile on his face and I quickly grabbed his hand, took the tin and gave it to the ‘Greeter’ at the door on the way out.

I reminded him that we weren’t buying anything today and his birthday was coming up and took him to the elevator. He proceeded to scream, kick, scratch and punch me all the way down in the elevator and into the parking lot. There was a lady on the elevator with us and El told her the story about why JP was upset …’he wants Pokemon and my mom told us we weren’t buying anything and his birthday is coming up anyway and now he is really mad etc etc’ and I just focused on JP and tried to not get too injured by his tantrum. I have a few cuts on my hand and a bruised heart but otherwise I was okay. I was pretty embarrassed by his demonstration in front of everyone and especially with this poor lady in the elevator.

As we left the elevator and walked to the parking lot the lady from the elevator said ‘You are an amazing mom. You are doing a great job. Keep it up.’  I felt like crying. That comment meant so much to me in that moment and I appreciate her comment more than she will ever know. I have thought about it every day since, particularly in the hard moments.

The tantrum continued in the car and on the drive home and eventually led to JP running away from the house in anger. It took me a good 20 minutes to find him and get him back. The piece that kept me going was that comment from the lady in the elevator.

Clearly I should I gone to the store before getting the kids or the next day. I know that between 6:00-8:00 pm JP often has a rebound effect from his medication but I guess part of me wants to keep trying and hoping one day we can do those trips successfully. We never made it to Tim Hortons either and El was disappointed. I promised I’d take her the next day on her own because she was great throughout the incident and it isn’t fair she always has to sacrifice. She is starting to understand now and shows more maturity in these situations each day.

I wanted to write this post to say to the moms who hold their ground with their kids in public- it’s okay. You are doing a great job! You are the parent and in the end those moments when your child is pushed to the ‘point of futility’ (Neufeld’s Developmental Model) it is a learning process and helps the child understand boundaries and in some cases move from ‘mad to sad’ as they develop adaptive skills.

If you are the observer, know that there is a whole history behind these moments and although not everyone is comfortable complimenting the parent, an understanding look goes a long way. It is hard to stand strong as a parent and it is hard not to give in to your child when they act this way in public, so having the support of each other is key!! Thank you to that lady in the elevator. I needed that!!