Summer vacation.  A time for relaxation and a time to create memories of fun times spent with the children.  Skipping and playing games; holding hands while walking on the beach; ice cream cones on a hot day; running joyfully through a sprinkler with rainbows in the water droplets…. sound familiar?  I am not sure who that family is but it definitely isn’t ours!  The peaceful day at the beach turns into sand in the eyes, fights over buckets, lost goggles in the lake and statements like ‘JP got sand on my towel!’, ‘It’s not fair, she has a shovel and a rake and I only have a shovel’ and ‘I can’t get the sand off my feet!’. I am wondering why I bothered to pack the book in the beach bag in the first place?  You would think that after 5 years of vacationing with two kids I would know what to expect, but I am always optimistic that it will be better each time.

Some lessons I learned on our most recent trip (3 nights in a hotel for the first time, with an outdoor pool and a lake across the street):

• Give Choice:  give the kids choices you can live with whenever possible – ‘lake first or pool first?’ – Ask yourself – does it really matter the order – is it worth the fight?  If it really does matter, don’t offer the choice, but if it doesn’t, than let it go and give the kids some power – that will go a long way toward a smoother day – or 30 minutes anyway!
• Family Focus: don’t plan on spending any private time with your spouse.  Our dream when we got the family suite was that we would put the kids in their room to sleep and have a few hours of alone time each night, but the reality… as I type this my daughter is sleeping with me and my husband is sleeping with my son.  But we are texting each other from the other room so there is some communication! The vision might be different, but right now my husband and son are having a boys ‘campout’ together and my daugther and I the same – these memories will last forever with the kids and we have private time when we get home – maybe!
• Look for the Positives:  don’t let the last hour of the day be the lens to judge the success of each day- on day one the behaviour of both kids was challenging in every way – not listening, complaining, asking to buy everything in sight, fighting, running away etc. – if I was to put a numerical value on it I would say only 50% of the day was ‘on-track’, but day two was a lot better (maybe 75%) and day three was even better (85%).  The key for me is to look at the day overall and not just the most recent negative choice and for this week, overall there was improvement.  It is unrealistic for us to expect 100% positive choices from the kids every day and as long as we are seeing growth and improvement and recognizing that, we are well on the road to a successful family vacation.
• Stick to Routines: relax and be flexible, but don’t steer too  far away from the home routines that help the kids be successful.  For us, that meant trying to keep the bedtime routine consistent because lack of sleep = overtired kids = negative choices and high emotion.  It isn’t worth it for that extra hour to see the sunset if it ruins the entire next day.  All kids are different though, so know your kids and plan around their needs when you can.  Learning to adapt is important for kids, but sleeping in a new place, in a strange bed, without the comfort of home is enough change for some kids, so do what you can to make them comfortable in the unknown environment by bringing some comforts from home and sticking to some routines.
• Nurture Yourself: find some time in the day to have some you time – 10 minutes away in the hot tub; a 15 minute morning walk; a few minutes in a lounge chair reading a book – it is okay for one parent to keep an eye on the kids so the other parent can have a breather – we don’t have to be ‘on’ for our kids all of the time!

Overall, this vacation has been both stressful and successful at the same time.  There are moments we will laugh at later, like when JP ‘borrowed’ the metal “No Fart Zone” sign from the market and was chased down by the shopkeeper much to our dismay, or the way El couldn’t sleep in the bed the first night because she was too worried about the germs of those who slept there before her and slept on a towel so she didn’t have to touch the bed.  There are also great moments like when we took the kids to eat ice cream on the last night based on a pinky promise to ‘be safe and be good listeners’.  Were they perfect, no, but they had a great time.  JP danced on the sidewalk to music outside the ice cream shop and ran through the beach shower with all of his clothes on.  El and JP set up and attempted to play a game of giant chess, got ice cream on their shorts and overall created a great memory.

Now they are both sleeping soundly and are sad to go home tomorrow.  I on the other hand am looking forward to going home tomorrow, sleeping in my own bed, and laughing with the kids  about the crazy memories we created on our summer vacation.  Some of the lessons learned here can be carried forward to home too.  In the end, I would say the trip was a success!